This Roald Dahl quote really struck me the other day.
Life really feels increasingly like it’s slipping away from me. Last year I made an active effort to stop that happening in regards to my health, my wants and needs and to really relish every opportunity I have to ensure I don’t lose out. I need some wild stories to tell to grandkids one day!
It occurred to me when I found this quote that every so often I have a moment like this where I realise there are a million things I want to do that I am just not doing. It’s easy to blame the reason why on a few things – money, time, stress, exhaustion – but at the end of they day all that remains is that I’m not getting certain shit DONE. That’s not very girlboss-y is it?
To be honest, I did a hell of a lot last year to try and test my comfort zone. I travelled further than I’ve been before and made some memories that I will never forget. I finally started pushing my blogging, and I’m so proud that I can finally see what seems to be the light at the end of the tunnel after a few years of mental turmoil.
There’s just one last thing to tackle (and why am I saying “tackle” when it’s ultimately something I will enjoy?!) and that’s getting back into music.
Now I KNOW I have said it a million times. I know I have intended to go to all the open mic nights near me, release new music, post more music on YouTube and then ducked out of it because that toxic little comfort zone of mine has sucked me back in instead. BELIEVE ME I might sound fickle to you lot but in my own head it’s more confusing. I love singing. I love music. There is nothing in the whole world that makes me feel better than belting out a tune on stage to an audience, knowing I’m killing it. So why can’t I just get back into the swing of it? Why did I stop?
The truth is, i just don’t know. Back when music used to be my life, when I was posting on YouTube a lot and going to gigs and open mic nights every single day of the week, I gained some people who were big influences in my life and I wasn’t a strong enough person to listen to my own heartbeat and do what I wanted to do. I was too concerned with what other people thought of me, whether they would be impressed by what I was doing, whether it was right by whatever image these people expected of me. At that point, being that girl that sings and gets tattoos wasn’t what they wanted or expected. Instead of telling them to fuck off, I let them pretty much dictate a lot of my life.
Since then, a lot has changed. I’ve found my tribe, who all know what I ultimately want, but they’re not going to push me in any direction at all. They’re going to let me get on with whatever I want to do, which is exactly how it should be. In the past year a lot has changed within me and I’ve learnt who matters, who doesn’t, and where my boundaries are. So I’m picking things up again and getting back to basics – remembering why I started singing in the first place and just having fun with it.
So what music goals have I got for this year?
1. Remember – and practice – the things that made me love music in the first place. That means going to more gigs (other people’s), dancing around like a maniac in my room to old records, and belting out whatever song I want to around the house for no reason.
2. Record and release my EP! I never stopped writing music – for me, it’s the same as writing a journal. I’ve had a lot happen this year and it’s going to sound awesome when I’ve turned it into a collection of songs people can listen to. I cannot wait to release it, film videos for it, and generally just get back in the studio to reconnect with it all again!
3. Incorporate more music into my blog – I’m working on a bit of an overhaul here on lizziearkell.com that will include more videos and listen links so you guys can hear a bit more of what I’m about with my music. The idea of having it all in one place and it all making sense sounds so good to me right now and I can’t wait to get there!
For now, you can see the newest release on my Soundcloud – a playlist named “LA in LA”. Click here to have a listen! These are covers tracks I recorded in LA last year (well duh) with the grammy award winning producer Mike Gaydusek at the world renowned Nightbird Studios, I’m so happy I can share these! Please have a listen – I hope you love them.
What are your goals this year?